Love

                When I think of loving someone it seems like such an easy task, but what about loving someone that is so hard to love or has done something to hurt you.  This is when it gets hard and when you learn the lesson about what it really and truly means to love someone.  And to not just love because God commands us to love one another, but love them because you want to.  You want to find it in yourself to love everyone, even those who are hard to love.  Because they are God's child just as much as I am.

                This morning I was thinking about how God loves everyone.  It's something I've grown up hearing my entire life.  But if you really think about it....He loves every human being that has ever committed a crime, the drunkards, the prostitutes, that guy that cut you off on the highway the other day, the homeless, the poor, the rich and the brokenhearted.  There's no limit and no end to who He loves and doesn't love.  It's something that I can't wrap my mind around or ever fathom.  Therefore, I will strive every day to love everyone equally and wholly because we all are loved by the Lord of all and I want to be just like Him.   

Romans 12:9-13 & 17-21

Vs. 9 "Love must be sincere.  Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.  Be devoted to one another in love.  Honor one another above yourselves.  Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Share with the Lord's people who are in need.  Practice hospitality.  

Vs. 17 "Do not repay anyone evil for evil.  Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord.  On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.  In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.'  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." 

Your testimony is never ending

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my testimony lately.  I’ve always thought that my testimony wasn’t important or special.  I never thought that I had much of a story because I come from a Christian home and never had a dramatic, life changing experience.  I never went through a rebellious stage, I never turned from God and I never intentionally set out to disobey my parents.  I've believed in Jesus my entire life and always knew I was going to devote my life to Him.  So why is my story important?    After doing some thinking on all of this I realized that your testimony doesn't have to stop after you have accepted Christ into your heart.  Your testimony is how others see God through you in your life.  It is never ending.  I pray almost every day that I will be a good example and a good testimony to others.  I want people to see Jesus through me and in me.  I want them to know that I am who I am because of Him.  I shouldn't receive any praise or glory.  My testimony doesn't end that day I asked Jesus into my heart.  My testimony is never ending.  My testimony includes every trial and victory that the Lord has carried me through.  It's His footprints on my heart.  It's His evidence in my life.

1 John 5:11-12

"And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in the Son.  Whoever does not have the son of God does not have life."  

Failing, but not giving up!

            I was so nervous and freaking out this morning as I went to the Prometric Testing Center to take my PRAXIS exam for the 6th time.  This was my last chance to take it and pass so that I could finally start major classes and be one step closer to becoming a teacher.  I prayed not that I would pass, but that God would give me peace no matter what the outcome.  Of course He was faithful and even though I did not pass the test, I had peace and I am excited to begin this new journey with Him and to see what He has in store for me and my life.  I am not giving up on my dream to be a teacher.  I want it too badly to give it up.  I will get there somehow.  This journey is all going to be worth it because I know when I finally have my own classroom that I will go to work every day so thankful for my job.  So thankful that those kids are MY students and so thankful that I have the privilege to teach them.  I will never take it for granted because I have never worked so hard at something in my entire life.  

I don't know where I'm going...but I'm going!

     God is teaching me so much right now about joy and seeking it and finding it in the most difficult of situations.  In those situations where I don't know what I am going to do and what God's plan could possibly be, He is teaching me to be content.  Obviously this wasn't easy for me to achieve.  If you don't believe me, ask my parents about how many times I call them crying because I am overwhelmed, confused, or just hurting.  God is definitely throwing some crazy and challenging situations my way, but day by day He is teaching me how to handle my circumstances. A few weeks ago I started reading this book called "Finding God's Path Through Your Trials."  For a while I actually hated reading it because I was so comfortable with just feeling sorry for myself. But it opened my eyes in a whole new way to how much God does care and how gracious He is. This is one of my favorite parts of the book so far: "But the good news is we can persevere through pain. Because of the grace of God we can be strong even when suffering weakens us. By keeping James' command to 'count it all joy' and by following Paul's example of rejoicing in the power of Christ, you and I triumph over our ordeals. And, like Job, we know blessings await us on the other side of each trial."  The bottom line here is: I do not have a clue where God is leading me, but I will be patient and I will trust in Him. I will smile and rejoice through the confusion.  I will cling to what is true and to what is good. I will cling to Him.      

To teach, or not to teach?

The one thing I have always been sure of is the fact that I want to be a teacher.  Although I do want to be a stay at home Mom and teach my own children, until then I want to have my own classroom full of little kids who are eager to learn.  However, now I am not even sure of that anymore.  Today I took my PRAXIS 1 exam for the 5th time and I still came up short of the few points I need to pass.  I was devastated.  Here I am with this deep desire in my heart to teach kids, but I can't get there.  Panic is beginning to settle in because I am taking my last semester of general education classes right now and have no further classes I could register for until making it into the Elementary Education program (which isn't going to happen until I pass this test).  It can only be taken every 30 days which means I have maybe 2 more chances to take it before I need to be registering for spring classes (which I also can't do until I pass this test).  Everyone is beginning to tell me I should be thinking of a back-up plan but I can't seem to make myself do that because my heart is so set on being a teacher.

I have had a love for children for as long as I can remember.  I started babysitting at age 13, nannied for twins for 3 years and have been working in Daycare for the last 4 years.  Who wouldn't love to get paid for playing with play dough and coloring?  Let me just say it: I don't want to grow up!!  Being around kids makes me feel like a kid all over again.  I'm not gonna lie, I have a drawer in my bedroom with slinky's, bouncy balls and yoyo's in it.  I still have a bit of kid left in me.

I think it is so important for kids to have good role models in their lives.  Someone to look up to.  Kids take in everything you say because they want to be just like you.  In this day and age children are so belittled.  I want them to know how special they are and that they can grow up and be something great.  I want to be that person they can count on and look up to.  Not to mention it's the best feeling ever to have a kid wrap their chubby little arms around your neck for a big hug.

So to summarize:  I want to teach, but can't pass my huge entrance exam.  I am trying my hardest to stay positive and I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!! I will not stop trying to become a teacher.  After all, God didn't put this desire in my heart for nothing, did He?    

Oh how He loves us...

    Due to technical difficulties, my old blog is no more.  Welcome to my new blog! I'm ready to fill this page with stories of my life and the things that God is teaching me, which at this point, is a lot!

I am learning so much about myself these days and relying on God for strength more than I have ever had to.  I know that all things work together for good, but it's often hard to stay focused on that when you're going through the difficult stuff.  But, He is a gracious God and gives me such comfort.  I can't imagine not having Him to rely on and to help me. 

This weekend my school participated in a walk to support suicide prevention.  I heard many testimonies of people who had lost loved ones to suicide and it broke my heart to hear the sadness and hurt in their voices.  I was talking with my good friend Breana later that day about how sad it is that there are people out there who feel so alone and depressed that the only way they feel they can escape their hurt is to end their life.  So many people don't even realize that they have a Savior who loves them so much that He died for them.  That fact breaks my heart.  God promises even in the darkest of situations that He will never leave us nor forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5)  It’s sad that people chose to end their lives when there are so many people out there that fight every day just to live.  I had such a friend that passed away this summer.  He lived every day fighting for his life; meanwhile, two other people that I know decided to end theirs.  God never promised us that life would be easy.  It will come with its difficulties and its struggles, but throughout that suffering God is preparing you for the road ahead.  He is building you up and making you stronger than you have ever been.

Just a few thoughts that have been running through my head…